the reason why

I'm not sure how it's going to turn out, except I'll die in the end, she said. So, really, what could go wrong?

Lately I have been thinking about purpose. About what makes me do the things I do, what is my motivation, and what is the reasoning behind my thoughts. And you know why I think it matters? I'm reading in I Corinthians, where Paul says,

If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.

It's just like what Marx said.

Religion is, indeed, the self-consciousness and self-esteem of man who has either not yet won through to himself, or has already lost himself again...Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.

There really would be truth in that, and all faith would be is a fanciful escape, if Jesus' existence was confined to the limitations of human understanding and the things of this life. If Jesus had not risen from the dead, the world really should mock us for holding foolish beliefs. The part that really sells me isn't any sort of historical evidence this world has gone after in an attempt to prove Jesus was real. But it's everything that has become truth after his resurrection. Everything God has done, that I've heard of and seen, were made possible with his decision to bridge the gap for us. In John 14, when Jesus promises the Holy Spirit, he warns that soon the world would not see him anymore, but we would.

There is such an infinite and definite gap between things of heaven and things of this world. But every expression of agape love, every powerful prophecy, every life transformed, every act of justice, every word of truth, is a small piece of heaven crossing over into our natural world. That is what it means to bring his kingdom here on earth. Because we have been given that power. And that is why prayer is so important, because it is God's invitation to intervene. We are given the ability to draw invisible lines between heaven and earth, and make something happen that otherwise wouldn't have because we weren't there to intercede. The Lord listens to the prayers of the righteous, and I want to be one of those righteous people.

You know what is crazy to me? John 14.12.

Everyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.

That means we are capable of doing at least as much as Jesus did, if not more. It is not a question of degree but rather of the condition of our heart, and whether we will bring glory to the Father. Not everyone is gifted in the same way, the reason for which is obvious. But we each have the exact same potential of what Jesus promises if we are available for him to use us. If something will influence our reality enough to turn our hearts and attention towards God, he will reach down out of heaven. It is like what he promises in 2 Chronicles 7.14.

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Sometimes I find myself past believing he can or will heal our land. It is entirely overwhelming, to the point of being unbelievable. It seems there are so many "if" clauses that must happen on our part and I just don't see it happening. In the right instances, I realize it is not my place to question that. And this is where purpose originates.

Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me. But try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero.

Isn't that funny? Anyone who the Lord calls his own can command life from death and speak healing into people's lives. That is not a reflection at all of us or what we are capable of doing. It simply reveals God as the one who gives life to the dead, and calls things that are not as though they were (Romans 4.17). What is a much bigger deal is having the heart to be used by God at all. And that requires so much more out of us. I think if it were entirely up to me, I would want a job to earn as much money as possible so I could buy pretty clothes and shiny things. Any desires outside of that is not from me because they are not of this world. And any ability to love the world and the people in it is most definitely not from me, because so much of the time all people do is break your heart when they steal, kill and destroy.

You know what got me thinking so much about this. Ty talked about simplicity at Epic yesterday. I was proud of him for taking on that chapter since there was so much information it was overwhelming. Much like I was proud of Eric for speaking on fasting, because it is such an intimidating subject. But Foster lists so many practical aspects to think about in order to simplify our lives. It made me reconsider what I want and how I want to spend my time. You know what I honestly would spend my money on right now if I had it. A 17-in macbook pro and another tattoo. Isn't that weird? Go ahead, ask me why. I have the strangest, messiest priorities. Leading a simple life is just breaking it down to the essentials so God can permeate the rest.

When I was little, two of my biggest prayers (that resulted from my biggest fears) were that I wouldn't go blind, and that Jesus would come before anyone in my family died. I realized if it really came down to simplifying and giving things up for Jesus, the only thing I hold on to tighter than anything is my family. I would not lose purpose and I would not lose Jesus, but I certainly would lose a lot of motivation to pursue either one. It's funny, because Katie and I were talking after Ty spoke, and rather than being hung up on the part of giving up material possessions she was reflecting on how difficult it would be to give up relationships. Should have known that is where her heart is because it's Katie, but I realized afterward that that is where my heart is also. And yet Jesus asks us to even forego saying goodbye to our families as the cost of following him (Luke 9.61-62).

What a crazy thought. But following Jesus is my purpose. It is the reason why I am able to see what really goes on in this world and not dream of everything I would do to take myself out of it. Sometimes I still do, when things are starting to turn black. But Jesus has never made himself too complicated or too distant to warrant any doubt of whether he is worth it.